Daddy, why is the screen blue?
Because, honey, the Earth orbits the sun which warms the atmosphere, resulting
in gas particles rapidly striking Bill Gates in the head so as to cause
him to write crash-happy software.
Daddy, how does a monopoly fly?
By the waving of arms and padding of nest-eggs, Microsoft gives the
appearance of flight to its stockholders. As for everyone else, we
believe it's happening because it seems impossible that anything else
could be crapping on us, from high above, with such gusto.
Mommy, where do cry-babies come from?
Well, honey, when a geek and a nerd meet, they sometimes fall in love with each
other's talents so much, they become married to it. Then, if someone
with technological know-how comes along and points at their foibles, the
couple gives birth to cry-babies, who whine and plea at legislators
and anyone else they've purchased.
Mommy, why is the Redmond world flat?
Long ago, the Queen of MIT loaned the pirate Bill Gates a vessel named
Basic, for the purpose of finding out if software development was flat.
Gates was so enamored of the boat, he kept looking down at it while
he sailed, and so he declared that the whole computer world was flat.
Even to this day, everyone on Microsoft's campus only looks at the
ground, constantly reporting that Windows is ship-shape.
Daddy, where does innovation go when it dies?
Well, I think Microsoft doesn't really let innovation die -- they freeze
it in a cryogenic bottle so no one else can get to it, and they declare
by mere ownership that their talent is eternal and beyond the reach of
everyone else. Either that, or they just flush it down the toilet
like we did with Mr. Scales.
Mommy, can I have a dog?
Now, honey, you already have a Windows PC, Pocket PC, WebTV, and an X-Box.
You don't need another unhousebroken, property-chewing mutt
you're never going to be able to train.
