New! Video Games for the X-Box!
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Microsoft is about to release a video game unit which is currently
code-named X-Box. The following is a list of X-Box-specific titles to be
released by the software giant at the same time.
Redmond
Evil: DOJ's
Cut
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Contains al gore, realistic somnolence.
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You're in the scary Department of Justice, trying
to keep yourself from getting cut up into little pieces! In this
exciting game of horror, you play Bill Valentine, a member of N.E.R.D.Z.
Your goal: To gather all of the clues necessary to present a winning
case. Go from room to room, attempting to gather all of the hidden
"I politely beg to differ with your reading of the antitrust suit, Judge Jackson."
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keynote speeches; try to enlist the aid of Zombies (Microsoft executives
who are drowsy from endless days without sleep worrying about what
customers demand); and catch the powerful Bosses, who can rapidly fire a
stream of temps. You'll monopolize playing this game because of its
endless appeal!
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Partnegeddon!
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Contains smile-olence, realistic paperwork.
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Using incredibly detailed physics models and
featuring 20 investment missions, Partnegeddon is a thrilling game based
on how many companies you can partner with before Sun, Apple, or IBM get
to them first. Jump rooftop to rooftop or race down a busy city street
while guarding your health cache against FUD flung from ruse-making media
columnists! Cool features include:
Borrow a police car to get to the keynote speech on time!
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- Dow Jones values affect your financing abilities, in real-time!
- Infinite marketing angles!
- Translucent and blended contracts!
- Secret slush-fund areas!
- A large public arena to sway!
If you've ever thought business affiliation was a mundane affair,
prepare yourself for the extreme-negotiating world of Partnegeddon!
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Billgilante 8
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Contains circuitous logic and screaming.
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Tappita-tappita-tappita. They're getting
closer. Tappita-tappita-tappita. Your fingers are flying over the
keyboard, trying to finish your product before hackers from the future
break in and block you from releasing your innovative version of 8-bit
BASIC.
"Sorry, but I can't let you take MS-DOS home if you didn't agree to the shrinkwrap
license."
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That's right! It's the 1970s, and you are a brilliant yet misunderstood
programming teen, only trying to cater to a public that will soon
demand. Jealous and fiendish hackers from the other side of the
millenium return to your time period to block your success! Can you get
your software delivered to the first COMDEX, or will you be caught and
arrested in New Mexico? To find out, you'll have to play this funky
white boy!
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