Microsoft is offering
10 reasons why you should upgrade to Windows Me. We, as a public
service, have reproduced those items below, along with what we think
should be the real descriptions.
1. Import and edit your home movies
Hee, hee! Won't it be fun to digitize those videos of Uncle Harry
pulling his hair out as he tries to get Office to turn off those damn
"Assistants"! And how about posting that movie of Cousin Cathy giving
birth to www.sharewithpeepingbill.com?
2. Move your photo collection from a shoebox to the Web
... where Gates' Corbis will grab
the copyright and you'll have to pay $$$ to see your own photos!
3. Archive and index your favorite music
Easily turn that $1,500 box into a Walkman! And it's also easy to listen
to music anytime: Just boot your Windows Me PC, wait 3 minutes, click
Cancel when prompted for your Windows password yet again, click Ignore
when prompted to register Windows Me after you've already registered it
4 times, click Start, Programs, Cool Programs, Music, Listen, Start,
Music Programs, Media, Windows, then Windows Media Player, and you're
ready to play! Then just click File, Open, then Open Music File, and
select your CD player from the list of 26 drive letters, then click the
generic track title, and away you go!
4. Protect your critical files
With the new breed of Outlook and Word viruses, you can be sure your
personal and important files will be quickly distributed and safely
stored on computers all over the world! Need something you accidently
deleted? Just post a request in Usenet and you'll be immediately
provided with multiple copies of the missing content!
5. Revert your computer back to normal
If anything ever goes wrong on your computer, System Restore will roll
it back to its last safest state: Power Off.
6. Seeing the answers you need
No more dry error messages like "A program error has occurred"! Now you
can customize those dialog boxes with cool new "skins", and choose from
hundreds of cool new event sounds!
7. Use your computer to program your VCR and thermostat
Never mind that it's impossible to sometimes get Word to talk to your
printer -- we're talkin' useful new features here! If you're the type
who finds it difficult to schedule today's VCRs that offer concise,
on-screen programming options, you'll love our standard Windows-type
front end! WinVCR has dozens of buttons like "Apply" and "OK" and
"More...", plus the always-clear multiple menu options "Customize",
"Settings" and "Preferences"! And imagine your house's temperature
controlled with the same reliable software written by the folks who
invented Ctrl-Alt-Del!
8. Link your household's computers
Imagine how easy it will be to install new Microsoft patches: Just load
it on one Windows Me PC, and it will conveniently distribute itself to
the others, removing Netscape, Eudora, and AOL quickly and quietly along
the way!
9. Contact friends and co-workers more efficiently than ever
With our new Hotspam.com email service, you'll always stay in touch with
friends, and also businesses that wish to suggest important and
innovative products and services you may want to purchase, like
Microsoft Office, Microsoft Windows 2000, Microsoft Windows CE,
Microsoft X-Box, Microsoft WebTV, Microsoft MSN, ...
10. Take gaming to the next level
Increased network support in Windows Me lets you go toe-to-toe with your
parents who are trying to connect to their business computers and do
boring work, or challenge an anonymous competitor over the Internet for
control of your system as he tries to install a data-grabbing hack!
