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Microfits - Jabs at the Redmond Beast
The Microsoft Holiday Songbook

Oh Drop Ye Boring Keynote Speech
by the All-Conferences Snore-chestra

Oh drop ye boring keynote speech,
thing new you will not say.
Based only on the obvious,
in court you'll forget anyway.

We're tired of the same old speech
in which you predict the past -
And endlessly kiss stockholder ass,
stockholder ass,
and endlessly kiss stockholder ass.


Silent Light
by the Dogfood Choir

Silent light, hard disk light!
All is gone, all is wiped!
Had no choice, in the install.
It wanted Explorer 5 in thrall.
Productivity's shot for the wee-eek!
Have to reload Windows reek.


We Wish You a Merry Crashmess
by Bill Gates and the Redmond Wimpathy Bore-chestra

We wish you a Merry Crashmess!
We wish you a Merry Crashmess!
We wish you a Merry Crashmess!
and a Happy Boot Year.

We'll giddily make
you pay for our sins.
We wish you a Merry Crashmess
and endless patch-ins.

We'll always ignore
what viruses wreak.
We wish you a Merry Crashmess
and security leaks.

We'll never heed
the customer's voice.
We wish you a Merry Crashmess
- you have no choice.

We wish you a Merry Crashmess!
We wish you a Merry Crashmess!
We wish you a Merry Crashmess!
and a Happy Boot Year.


Joy to the Web
by the Mournin' Windowscrackle Choir

Joy to the Web, Linux is come
Let geeks receive its shell
Let every Web master serve their pages faster
And open software swell
And open software swell
And open, and open
software swell


Windows
by the Microsoft Executive Choir

I am a little weasel,
With feet made out of clay
But for some blood-money
There's nothing I won't say
For, Windows! Windows! Windows!
Anything I'd say
Like it's secure and bug-free
(But, please do upgrade!)

I'd lie about its features,
I'd lie about its demand
Just open up your wallet
To my greedy hand
For, Windows! Windows! Windows!
Anything I'd say
Like it's innovative
(But, please do upgrade!)


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