Microsoft Chairman and CEO Bill Gates has filed a registration statement
with the United States Securities and Exchange Commission for an initial
public offering (IPO) of 80 percent of his ego, to be sold under the name
Fee-Bill.
Company spokesman Hugh Sless-Flak said the ego sale is independent of
Microsoft, although individual executives can be bought for the price
of a keynote speech, which is currently two for $5.
Gates' ego, which has been in a constant growth curve since making off
with BASIC in his MIT days, has become too unwieldy in recent years,
said Sless-Flak.
"His ego has reached the point where it cannot keep track of conflicting
lies," he said. "It needs stockholder-based input to tell it which
corrupt path to stick to."
Gates supposedly considered selling his ego to Corbis, the company he
founded to gather ownership of the world's treasures, but he didn't want
to pay royalties every time he needed to use it. Wall Street analysts
had calculated that, at his ego-access rate of 5 times per second (1998
figures), and a copyright fee of $1 per access, Gates would owe $157,680,000
per year. (On the other hand, Gates did sell Corbis his conscience long
ago, since he never made use of it.)
Marketing executives for several software companies, who wish to remain
anonymous, have said they are considering the purchase of a majority
share of Fee-Bill, because they have buggy, half-completed projects they
would like to get up the nerve to sell for a premium, too.
