As we all know, Bill Gates includes in Microsoft products only those
features that customers demand. But haven't you ever wondered who those
customers were, and why they demanded such asinine items? Well,
Microfits swiped the secret customer list off of Jim Allchin's NT
server, and has contacted some of them for an explanation.
First is Mickey Dipswitch of New Jersey. He is the one responsible for
demanding that the computer be rebooted several times during any MS
software installation. Dipswitch said he wanted this because "I'm
obsessive-compulsive and I don't think something like Office is
really loaded until the system resets many times in a row and I
see it's still there."
We understand -- we can't tell you how many times we've tried to
wash our hands of Windows.
Next we have Jack Squatt of Minnesota. Jack's to blame for Windows 98
remembering that you picked "restart" during a Start, Shut Down operation.
When asked why he wanted everyone to wait through a subsequent surprise
bootup after we thought the option would reset itself to "shut down"
the next time we used it, Jack said it's because "it reminds me of those
cool video zombie games where the dead just keep coming back no matter
how many times you try to kill them."
That reminds us of how Microsoft killed Bob, and is now trying to reanimate
its organs.
Barry Backwash of Indianna asked for the text 'Windows was not properly
shut down' after it crashes and you reboot it because "I can't afford
those 900-numbers, so I like when it calls me a bad boy, a very
bad boy."
Well slap us silly until we're red(mond).
Jamie Butter of Florida insisted that the desktop icons occasionally
get shoved over to the left side of the screen for no reason. According
to Butter, it brings back memories of hurricane season in Miami. "Having
to manually put all of those icons back in place is like having to fetch
all my belongings that have been scattered around the neighborhood," she
said. "It keeps me on my toes."
We'd have thought Windows' trashing your files would have been a good
enough reminder.
Carter Gritsworth of Texas said he demanded that Internet Explorer be
forceably installed with any MS product, even when you tell the setup
program not to, because "it's like what my hound dog does when I tell
him not to sit on the sofa -- he does it anyway."
We hope your dog isn't as buggy and bloated as Explorer!
Marvin Purple of Iowa demanded what has become extremely poor documentation,
but it wasn't on purpose. Recalls Purple, "I said I wanted it to be as
simple as those Idiot books, and they thought I said, 'be like a
simple idiot'."
But they sure know how to write them great keynote speeches, eh?
And finally, it was Norman Bates of Kansas who demanded that Windows
annoy you about getting system updates because "my dead mother says it's
just like how she annoys me."
Say, you should be a Microsoft executive, Norman. You already know
how to stab people in the back!
If you know of any Customers Who Demanded, please share their story
in the Microfits
forum.
