Washington, DC (Windows Powered NewsWire) - As we go to press, the
Pentagon has confirmed that the Chinese government has launched several
nuclear missiles at the United States. President Gates has responded with a
strongly-worded keynote speech, saying the move was "uncool" and "an affront
to innovation."
According to White House sources, Chinese hackers gained access to
secret email that outlined how the U.S. government treated Iraq and
Iran, and forwarded the documents to communist officials, who decided to
launch a preemptive strike before they ended up being treated in the
same fashion as were the Middle East "partners."
National Security Advisor Jim Allchin said there was nothing America
could do to block the attack.
"We told China we had vulnerabilities, and that they shouldn't take
advantage of it," Allchin said. "After all, putting in process restraints
on getting shot at is better than technology changes in the defense of our
country."
Gates' personal advisor, Brad Silverberg, said he told the president
that they should do what other countries have already done in this
type of situation.
"I told him we could do what France did during World War
II," said Silverberg. "Or we could be like Sweden, and be neutral,
because that's a cool place and stuff."
President Gates has denied that he did anything to provoke this attack.
"The United States is only doing what the world demands," he said.
