Is Microfits based on fact, or fiction? Let's take a look at our
cast of characters so you can decide.
Thieve Ballmer, President and Chief Execution Officer
Has a wily ability to lead Microsoft in directions other companies have
already been before. Thieve's strength includes sneaking up behind
businesses, whacking them on the head, and making off with their goods.
This makes Thieve's line that Microsoft isn't a content company true
(they have no idea how to produce original content anyway); rather,
Microsoft is a content gathering company.
Billiar Gates, Chairman and Chief Software Sharkitect
The kid who's perennially caught with his hand in the cookie jar,
Billiar is able to get away with it through use of a crooked smile and
pre-adolescent "I don't remember eating any" excuse. Other lines
include, "I'm not sitting around thinking 'Jeez, can I eat a cookie?'" and
"convergence is not having fewer hands that grab all the cookies".
Chimp Allchin, Group Vice President, Splatforms Group
Just like the "see no evil" monkey, Chimp sees no wrong with any
of their products. Security holes? Viruses? Bugs? Denial of Service
attacks? -- why, they're all third-party faults. Strength includes
ability to keep his head up his rear-end for the duration of his carear.
Fad Chase, Senior Vice President, Microsoft Notwork (MSN)
While others may lead, Fad likes to follow the followers. Of course,
this usually results in the company being 4-5 years behind everyone else,
but that's okay -- he'll just ask Thieve to "partner" with a new
company so Microsoft can leapflop to the front of the pack.
Maul Maritz, Group Vice President, Developer Croup
Maul's job is to get developers hooked on a new API, COM, VBX, Windows
Pen, ActiveX, DirectX, MFC, Video for Windows, DirectShow, DNA, NT, J++,
CE, ... and then one day -- surprise! -- dump it and watch their
projects and delivery schedules get shredded.
Shrill Neukom, Sr. Vice President, Law & Corpulent Affairs
Head of the most highly-paid group of inept lawyers, Shrill's job
is to convince the public -- not a jury -- that Microsoft's innovation
is being stifled, resulting in a critical lack in meeting what customers
demand. Shrill learned his courtroom delivery by studying The Gong Show.
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