Windows, for Smart People who have been Treated Like Dummies by Microsoft

PREFACE

This is a very brief introduction to Windows for people who have never used it before, or who are having trouble understanding what's going on. While I use a blunt narrative, it is not meant to scare you off Windows, it is meant to tell the plain truth. I personally own Windows computers to get my work done, but it is not always pleasant. Windows typically gets in the way when I don't want it to, or remains shyly silent when any drop of information would be of help.

When the popular series of For Dummies books came out, the first thing I thought was, what about the rest of us who are otherwise smart but are treated as dummies by Microsoft? As a programmer who has been working with Microsoft products since the MS-DOS days, even I had difficulties understanding what they were trying to accomplish, since Windows is such a patch-work of ideas taken from other graphical environments. So I knew non-programmers, or general consumers, would have problems with it.

If I wrote a Dummies book, there would be three things I would point out on page one:

1. You are not stupid, and it is Microsoft's fault for making you feel that way.
   
2. It is not your fault if you make Windows or any other Microsoft product "crash", because Microsoft has not bothered to add long-available technology to it products to make them protect themselves. (And Windows will crash anyway, without your help, so don't be surprised.)
   
3. The purpose of computers is supposed to be that they do the work for you, not the other way around. Microsoft's products are not built with the former in mind.

WHAT WINDOWS IS AND IS NOT

Let's start off with what Windows is not:

• Windows is not a consumer-friendly environment.
  It is a programmer-friendly environment that Microsoft says is consumer-friendly because they slapped on cute-looking Wizards. And every time they announce another gimmic, it's just another admission that Windows is not easy to use.

• There is nothing about Windows that manages things for you.
  You are expected to learn its needs and quirks, you are expected to back up and restore your files, and you are expected to learn Microsoft's jargon.

• Windows is not flexible.
  Windows can only do those things Microsoft decided to let you do.

• Windows is not smart.
  Any assistance Windows tries to provide is just the pre-coded guesses of hundreds of Microsoft programmers.

• 'Windows' is not a metaphor for anything.
  The term 'windowing' is programming jargon for running separate applications in their own visibly distinctive partition. Nothing else in Windows makes use of this metaphor. For instance, you wouldn't "Start" a window, you would open it. And windows don't sit on desktops, they sit on walls.

Now, let's see what Windows is:

• Windows is a program that installs and runs other programs.

• Windows is a program that lets you manage your files.
  

• Windows is a program that will blindly do whatever you tell it to do.
  It may ask you to confirm some action, but it does not really understand what it is asking you -- it is merely shifting any resulting blame onto you.

That's it!

It's now up to you to learn what Windows expects of you.

WHAT WINDOWS EXPECTS

Windows has a split personality. One personality says, "I'm flexible and customizable and I let you change anything you want!" The other personality says, "don't try changing some things or I won't work right anymore!" And what's worse, Windows never tells you where the danger areas are, or how to recover from them. In most cases, the result for your trying to customize Windows to what you like is your having to reinstall Windows.

While this can be frightening to a new Windows user, it is still possible to get great service from your computer if you remember these things that apply to all of its personalities:

• Windows expects you to protect it, so get and use a good virus-checking program. Windows has nothing built-in that guards against unwanted alterations or destruction to its own files (no less yours).

• Windows expects you to "patch" its bugs, but do not do so unless you want what the patch provides. Even if Microsoft says the patch fixes defects, it will usually introduce new ones; so, if what you are doing is working fine, there is no need to change that (or even upgrade to another version), no matter what Microsoft's marketing department says. In fact, there are many people who are still happily using Windows 3.1.

• Windows really expects you to change nothing more than desktop colors and wallpaper. Unless you know someone who can walk you through changing other features, I would not recommend it.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO LEARN

The most important thing you can do is learn what files and folders are, and where yours are stored, because all of the information and data you will be entering on the computer will be stored in these.

Windows does not protect your files, or back them up or restore them, so this is a critical issue. Everything else on your computer (Windows, applications, games) can be reloaded from the original CD-ROMs supplied with your computer, or bought, or downloaded, but the only one who has copies of your personal files is you. If they get deleted or ruined, and you have no backups, you will have to re-enter all of the information again from scratch.

While floppies used to be the primary storage medium because data files were small in size, you will now need to get something that can handle much larger files. Iomega Zip drives are a popular choice, and are easy to use and handle. Many other options are available, but it is best to get something that could easily be used with another computer (either for sharing information or for reloading data should your system crash).

IN CONCLUSION

Here are the lessons many people have learned the hard way after buying a Windows computer:

1. Buy and use a virus-checking program.
   
2. Learn how to back up and restore your own files, because Windows will not protect them.
   
3. Expect Windows to crash. It's not your fault, it does this anyway.
   
4. Do not expect Microsoft to help you or even care. They have your money now, you can go away until they want you to buy an upgrade.
   

There are lots of useful things you can do on a Windows computer, and they are worth buying, but you will have an easier time of it if you realize Microsoft's products are more like half-witted trolls that you must carefully and constantly direct, rather than magic genies.

For all of its pretty graphics, Microsoft expects you to adapt to Windows' quirks in the same way they expected people to adapt to their MS-DOS version 1.0's quirks those many years ago. And for some reason, the public still accepts this.

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