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News Clips from the World of Windows Power(Portions used in Humorix)
INTERNET HACKER LURED TO, TRAPPED BY PORN SITE
In a massive, coordinated effort between the FBI and DoubleClick.com, the hacker who has been attacking popular Web sites such as Yahoo!, Amazon.com, and Buy.com was lured to a phony porn site and trapped by an endless cascade of popup Internet Explorer browser windows.
Japan (WinPow NewsWire) -- In an embarrassing slap to NASA scientists who failed with high-end Windows NT systems, Sony announced today they used a new Playstation 2 to successfully land an intact probe on Mars. Ironically, the game used to direct the decent was "Crash Bandicoot".
Microsoft's Robot Dog Mauls Owner
Microsoft CuteJo, the software giant's answer to Sony's $2,500 robotic dog AIBO, has been recalled due to a recent incident in which the Windows Powered pup mauled its owner. The company released a statement saying this issue does not reflect any critical defects in its product, and that it was the owner's fault when, in reading its users guide, the person said out loud in disbelief: "You can fetch? My ass!""It did exactly what the customer demanded," the release said.
HOOTERS TO INSTALL BOOB-CAMS
Hooters, the popular restaurant featuring scantily-clad waitresses, has announced a deal with MSN to broadcast live images from Web-cams placed about the womens' bodies.
Masochists Flock to New PC
Hoping to leap-frog the popularity of Apple's iMac, Microsoft Corp. and Compaq Corp. have announced a deal to manufacture and sell a line of brightly-color computers called iSmack, that rough up their owners. Microsoft said their software already treats customers like dirt, so it didn't take much tweaking to make Windows more abuser-friendly. Over 100,000 people have already signed up for the system at its Web site, beatmeblackandbluescreen.com.
USPS.GOV GOES ON KILLING SPREE
Washington, DC (WinPow NewsWire) - In an eerie simularity to post office killings that brought about the slang "going postal," a Windows 2000 server that runs the United States Post Office site went on a "cyber" killing spree, taking out sub-servers on its own network. Officials had no explanation for the occurrence, saying that the computer had always been friendly and out-going to its fellow routers and hubs.
Windows CE Renamed in Attempt to Return Integrity
Microsoft Corp. has announced that it is renaming Windows CE, the operating system used on hand-held computers, to Windows Pen. Company spokesmen said they were tired of the derogatory terms made from the old name, such as WinCE ("wince"). The slogan for the new name will be, "Windows Pen is Fun".
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