Microsoft Innovates Software Slum-Lord Role

The software giant, taking a page from rich building owners who lease squalid apartments, has decided to innovate that role in the computer field by renting software they never intend to fix or use themselves.

Microsoft Office 2000 will be the first offering from their new Web site, Internet Ghetto. Renters will be able to download the overpriced product, complete with bugs, breaks, and leaks. Included will be an email address that customers can complain to but never receive a response from.

Microsoft hopes to build and stock an entire cyber-city with all of the products they have bought from other companies, including WebTVs with bad reception, digital Fords up on blocks, and a Hotmail postal service that goes on random electronic killing sprees.

In other news, Microsoft announced an overhaul of their MSN portal, which consisted of turning it off. Customers immediately flooded the company with email, congratulating them on improving general network response time and system stability.

Wrote one satisfied user, "If you'd also turn off the power to your headquarters in Redmond, we'd be able to get some actual work done for a few years, too."

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