Microsoft Executives Organize Worry-Schedules

In an attempt to deal with the numerous items their executives worry over, Microsoft has purchased the company that sells the time allocation program, 48-Hours-in-a-Day.

"We are honestly concerned about what the customers demand, and we have many sleepless nights turning over their problems," said company spokesman Hugh Sless-Flak. "The trouble is, all of these worries fight for priority, causing more sleepless nights. We hope, with this program, to be able to help our executives plan a consistent and reliable worry pattern.

As an example, company vice president Jim Allchin's worry-schedule has been computed to be: Windows 2000 shipping, on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays; customer demands, on Tuesday and Thurdays; twitches over Netscape on Saturday; and on Sunday, he will be free to work on a golden parachute.

"The program determined that since Jim doesn't care about Windows' ability to maintain system security, it should be removed from his schedule completely," Sless-Flak said. "This just opened up lots of time for other things, like his writing keynotes speeches on how great Windows' security is."

Bill Gates had already developed a pattern of alternating worries over customers and students, but the program brought to his attention a lack of worry over pets, Sless-Flak said.

"So, Bill will be devoting every Monday to working on a way to incorporate Windows CE into computerized cat-litter trays."

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