The Redmond

(Apologies to Poe)

Once upon a Web site dreary, while I browsed, weak and weary,
Over many a broken and confusing link, aft and fore --
I clicked to download Windows patches, 40 megabytes these "patches" --
Hoping it would fill the chink of lax security galore.
"'Tis only patches," I muttered, "not some fetid gore --
       only patches, nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I regret, how its hist'ry I did forget,
How each download in the past had rendered my system's core.
All applications were crawling, and required reinstalling,
I cried for tech support, the oppressive weight could not be bore.
"Help me undo what has been wrought!" I singularly swore.
       Quoth the Redmond, "Download more."

"Programmer!" said I, "thing of evil! -- profit still, you nerd or weasel,
Scattered are my files and spreadsheets to foreign dot-com shores.
From your home page, Horror-haunted, tell me truly, I implore --
Is there --is there balm in Norton? -- tell me -- tell me, I implore!"
       Quoth the Redmond, "Download more."

"Be those words of parting, nerd or geek!" I shreiked, eyes darting,
"Get thee back to keynote speeches scribbled for your bores!
I shall smash your foul elixir, and become a stout Linux'r,
Clasp a rare and open standard in an angel named Linux, sir!
       I shall download, CLEVERmore!"

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