Gates Introduces WinCE SmugPhone

Microsoft Chairman and CEO Bill Gates revealed the prototype of a Windows CE SmugPhone today at a European conference for large and blundering software companies.

"This is another transparent attempt to impose our bloated, overpriced, proprietary technology on the public," Gates said in emotional monotone, "and I really hope this takes. We're running out of ideas for watered-down versions of best-selling products."

This desperation reflects the company's change from their original vision of "a useless PC in every home and crashing on every desk" to "our fingertips in every pocket and rifling through every desk."

The SmugPhone is fashioned after a normal cellular phone, but it has additional buttons reflecting those available from Windows dialog boxes. Gates demonstrated their function by calling his mother in the United States.

"Hello?" a female voice answered.

Gates pressed Start, and a computerized voice that is built into the phone said the word, "Start!"

"Oh, hello, son," his mother replied.

Bill pressed the appropriate button to say, "OK?"

"Yes, Billy, everything here is okay. How are things going at your little conference?"

"OK. Accept. Apply?"

"Oh, I understand: everything's going okay, they're accepting your new toys. Right?"

"Apply. Delete."

"Well, son, it's been nice talking to you, too. Goodbye!"

"Start!"

The SmugPhone comes with a color LCD screen that shows icons of the words it is saying. While this feature drains the battery in under 3 minutes, Gates said the button-orientated conversation will help keep the communication short, anyway.

"I think people will enjoy the features offered by this product," Gates said. "Or, as my SmugPhone would say: Properties, Accept. OK!"

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