Microsoft Rumoured to Stop Software Production; Will Purchase Other Companies

In a move that sent their stock prices soaring, Microsoft (MSFT) insiders leaked to the press plans to cease all in-house software production and instead rely on the purchase of and investment in other companies as their sole method of profit generation.

"It was inevitable," said Wall Street investor Rich Greedy. "They have no more ideas."

A Microsoft executive, who spoke on the condition of annonymity, said that "[Microsoft] stopped writing unique code after the release of Windows 3.1. Then we just started buying other code, working overtime to shoe-horn it in. How else do you think, with thousands of programmers, we're still able to release upgrades that are not only years late, but still massively buggy?"

An unnamed source close to the Department of Justice trial defense also complained about the purchase of multiple video editing products that caused the Internet Explorer demonstration fiasco. "They tried to merge the code from five video applications into our own, and look what happened! It would have been better to buy just one video company and use their whole package."

"It will boost their profits tremendously," Greedy predicted. "By purchasing the most popular software, Microsoft can appear to be keeping up with consumer requests with bug-free and friendly software without having to touch one line of code."

Microsoft refused to comment, claiming they do not respond to rumours.