Microfits Pokébob Cards

Microfits is giving the Redmond Beast a chance to become popular with the kid-crowd by offering this starter deck of Pokébob cards.

By basing characters on their employees and work ethics, Pokébob -- a combination of the words Pokey (slow, dimwitted, bloated) and Bob (the only program Microsoft ever wrote from scratch) -- can represent the best the software giant has to offer.

Gotta swipe 'em all!

Nerdil Pokébob Power: Able to disgust, and so disburse, large crowds by going on and on about how cool his stuff is. Weakness: Can't relate to any other living thing. Resistance: Ability to distort reality to meet his own warped view.	Boymander Pokébob Power: Can act innocent while stamping out lives. Weakness: Even when he thinks he's making things better... he's still only making them worse. Resistance: Items like guilt and conscience can't find a place to grab hold.
Screamatchu Pokébob Power: Cows underlings by yelling at them. Weakness: Inability to construct meaningful or coherent sentences. Resistance: Harsh exterior prevents the unnecessary sharing and improving of ideas, a desired trait of egomaniacs.	Bulb-ass-sore Pokébob Power: Capable of doing nothing but sitting at his executive desk all day, wriggling his fingertips in all aspects of company business. Weakness: Can mutate even the most useful product into something toxic, potentially killing his own kind. Resistance: As long as his money rolls in, he doesn't pay attention to anything other than his next keynote speech.
Charmnillion Pokébob Power: Power to sell books based on the obvious. Weakness: Can't even remember, under testimony, what his ghostwriter wrote for him. Resistance: Amazing ability to keep his publications completely free of personality or warmth.	Weezil Pokébob Power: Can smooth-talk even the most skittish into revealing their company's plans and secrets. Weakness: Forgets to change these stolen ideas, even a little bit, when he has his own company implement them. Resistance: When charged with backstabbing or idea-stealing, can instantly transform into a Boymander.
Dotslash Pokébob Power: Tireless in his pursuit of controlling the entire Internet. Weakness: Doesn't have any plan for when he does control the entire Internet. Resistance: Can ignore failures with his own company's attempts to control just their own little intranet.	Jigglyhuff Pokébob Power: Ability to display Oscar®-quality offense when asked about product defects during an interview. Weakness: Difficult to take seriously as he considers customers to be "dogfood." Resistance: If you had $90 billion, you could let things slide for years, too.
Dojduck Pokébob Power: Keeps stock prices from dropping when questioned by the Department of Justice. Weakness: Does a poor job of balancing "strength and knowledge" with "a pitiful lack of memory retention for important business decisions." Resistance: No sense of irony or embarrassment due to removal of soul when signing employment contract.

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