Sanctioned Memorials to Note Data File Deaths

Microsoft has announced the release of a free program, Visual Memorials, that allows its customers to create software-based markers for files destroyed by the Redmond giant's other products.

"We understand the customer's need to memorialize the loss of time and energy resulting from their work being obliterated," said company spokeman Hugh Sless-Flak, "but it ends up making things difficult for other users to see what's on the screen."

Sless-Flak said the program is in response to IT departments passing on complaints about elaborate "private shrines" that are tacky and otherwise visually distracting.

"We've met customer demand by modifying our software end-user license agreements (EULAs) to prohibit physical memorials, and allowing them to design virtual ones," said Sless-Flak. He explained that when the user opens a folder, the markers created for its destroyed files will be displayed.

The program also marks the beginning of a new Microsoft campaign, called File Safely.

"With all the viruses and service packs flying around, we don't want Windows to be harmed. So, we're asking our customers to 'File Safely' and watch out for our critical system files," Sless-Flak said. "After all, putting in process restraints on getting code is better than technology changes in the operating system!"

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