How Many Microsoft Lawyers Does it Take to Clog A Meatgrinder?

Three.
1 to make a statement to the public that grinding meat does not destroy the meat, it merely decompiles it, and anyone is free to recompile it.
1 to declare that requiring the distribution of meatgrinders with Windows is not an unfair business practice because everyone has grown to expect their data to be mutilated.
1 to claim that the meatgrinder can be easily uninstalled through a simple process that involves inserting your hand while turning the crank.

How many Microsoft lawyers does it take open a door?
Two.
1 to declare the door is blocking innovation.
1 to make a plea to the public to write Congress to have doors removed because they stifle threshold competition which is an American tradition.

How many Microsoft lawyers does it take to turn on a light?
Two.
1 to claim that turning on the light is an indication that you accept their license to hold them blameless for the possible loss of darkness during the procedure.
1 to note that there has been no significant customer issues regarding the continued use of darkness should brightness not occur.

How many Microsoft lawyers does it take to flush a toilet?
Three.
1 to warn that toilet contents cannot be recovered unless you move them to the Recycle Bin instead.
1 to destroy the toilet paper because its function is "linked to" the flushing operation.
1 to state that flushing cannot be completed until you have registered the toilet.

How many Microsoft lawyers does it take to splint a broken leg?
None.
Policy notes that the correct way to mend a broken leg is not to splint it, but to not break it in the first place.

How many Microsoft lawyers does it take to kill a puppy?
Two.
1 to claim that killing it merely renders it to a pre-life state, where it is free to be born again if it so wishes.
1 to argue that if puppies weren't meant to be killed, they wouldn't die.