Microsoft to Address NT Downtime, Loss of Matrix Power

After compiling results from a million-dollar survey study, Microsoft officials were suprised to learn that customers were dissatisfied when Windows NT systems crashed, and so hurried to remedy the situation.

"This caught us unawares," said company spokesman Hugh Sless-Flak. "Because when the system is down, we're unable to suck the bio-electrical lifeblood of the user out through the communications port to our servers in Redmond."

Microsoft, which recently purchased The Matrix -- a collection of self-aware computerized subsystems -- has been developing an infrastructure that operates on the electricity produced by the biochemical reactions of the user's brain.

To stimulate more brain activity, Microsoft has been purposefully coding their flagship product, Windows, to act erratically. This creates annoyance, the most powerful generator of organic current.

However, there is a precarious balancing act between making a system crash and keeping it down for prolonged periods of time.

"We'll definitely lighten up on the mayhem subroutines," Sless-Flak said. "The planned release of new year-2000 products will generate, on its own, enough hatred-based power to keep us going for another 4 to 5 years."

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