Everything I Know I Learned from Microsoft

Imagine waking up with the feeling that you do no wrong and everyone loves you! Well, thanks to extensive research by Microfits and its $1-financed customer useability testing labs, mere mortals outside the Redmond giant will now be able to reach this level of disconnected bliss.

Here are the seven simple rules for enjoying a carefree, monopolistic-style life:

1. Never feel a need to be perfect, just keep saying you'll improve next year.

2. Don't apologize for hurting people; instead, point out that there are others who do even worse.

3. Guiltlessly destroy the possessions of others because you can always put the blame on those who have partnered with you.

4. You can ignore helping people if you make them feel like they brought it on themselves.

5. If someone says you're doing something wrong you can always cry that everyone's freedom is being threathened by the accusation.

6. It's okay to steal if the owners don't find out about it. If caught, say you thought it was acceptable because everyone else was doing it.

7. You don't have to learn about what's going on in your own house if you can keep outsiders from looking in, too.

Microsoft has been using these rules for over 20 years, and look where they are now! If you'd like to be held in the same light, start following these time-honored guidelines immediately.

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