Hell Drops Windows NT, Cites Security Concerns

Hell Eternal Corp. joined a growing list of entities today with its announcement that it is dumping Windows NT because of its abysmal security.

Lou Siffer, Chairman and CEO of the Redmound company, said their systems are constantly under fire from hackers who want to gain access to their damned files.

"And unlike Microsoft's server 'test' site, we can't just ask them to pretty please not batter our infernal network," he said.

What gets his goat, Siffer admitted, is that many of the illegal portals have wormed their way from microsoft.com addresses.

"They're not trying to find out if they're condemned," he said. "They already know the answer. What they want to find out is which level they'll be on, so they can set their email forwarding daemons.

"Cursed spam!" Siffer wailed, spitting coals.

Siffer said Hell accepted a pitch for a Linux system to handle their intranet and email, because it performed well under rigorous Brimstone testing.

"We're dropping Hotmail [a Microsoft-bought service]," he said. "Some annoying devil keeps swapping my soul lists with Santa's."

Hell can be reached at www.roadahead.com.

Nash Teath contributed to this report.

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