Microfits - Jabs at the Redmond Beast

Gates Scholarship Fund Sued for Monopoly, Copyright Infringements

In a surprising turn of events, the Bill Gates Ego Scholarship Fund has been slapped with a number of lawsuits from Apple, Sun, and Ted Turner.

The nonprofit organization, run by the Microsoft Chairman and CEO, made news recently for contributing billions of dollars in scholarships to universities that just happened to provide helpful testimony on Microsoft's behalf in its Department of Justice antitrust trial.

Briefs filed in the lawsuits show:

A spokesman for Gates said the lawsuits were nonsense, as Gates is just responding to what students demand, and their needs worry the billionaire, keeping him awake every other night (alternating with his worry over what Microsoft customers demand).

"Mr. Gates' million-dollar egobility labs show that public complaint about poor product quality can be overcome with the distribution of huge sums of money," the spokesman said. "It's no secret that Bill is merely embracing and extending this innovation."

In other news, it was discovered that the Gates scholarships do in fact require certain obligations of its recipients.

While students are not forced to take computer-related majors, they are contractually bound to assign all copyrights from papers, reports, and research to Microsoft Corp. Also, the license requires the student to advertise the name "Bill Gates" on any awards, honors, or dean's lists, and the Windows logo is expected to be printed upon diplomas.

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