Gates Scholarship Fund Sued for Monopoly, Copyright Infringements

In a surprising turn of events, the Bill Gates Ego Scholarship Fund has been slapped with a number of lawsuits from Apple, Sun, and Ted Turner.

The nonprofit organization, run by the Microsoft Chairman and CEO, made news recently for contributing billions of dollars in scholarships to universities that just happened to provide helpful testimony on Microsoft's behalf in its Department of Justice antitrust trial.

Briefs filed in the lawsuits show:

• Apple is suing for new antitrust violations, claiming Gates' action will damage their long-standing relationship with schools.

  Apple asserts it has had a longer affiliation with educational institutions, and Gates' massive donations will slide their own offerings to the bottom of finanial aid lists. They compared the move to the software giant's giving away its Web browser in order to dominate the market.

• Ted Turner is suing for breach of copyright. In a separate news release, he said he was the first to donate a billion dollars (to the United Nations), so he should have the initial right in donating large sums to education.

• Sun said it has no particular complaint, it is merely joining in for fun.

A spokesman for Gates said the lawsuits were nonsense, as Gates is just responding to what students demand, and their needs worry the billionaire, keeping him awake every other night (alternating with his worry over what Microsoft customers demand).

"Mr. Gates' million-dollar egobility labs show that public complaint about poor product quality can be overcome with the distribution of huge sums of money," the spokesman said. "It's no secret that Bill is merely embracing and extending this innovation."

In other news, it was discovered that the Gates scholarships do in fact require certain obligations of its recipients.

While students are not forced to take computer-related majors, they are contractually bound to assign all copyrights from papers, reports, and research to Microsoft Corp. Also, the license requires the student to advertise the name "Bill Gates" on any awards, honors, or dean's lists, and the Windows logo is expected to be printed upon diplomas.

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