Microsoft Offers E-mail Message DOJ "Chopped Up"

Microsoft has protested that "snippets" of their email correspondence have been taken out of context by Department of Justice prosecutors during the antitrust trial. Microsoft recently posted the following email message to their web site, claiming "this is the single email message that the prosecutors have chopped up into bits and pieces for the sole purpose of portraying us as evil robber-barons of the software world."

From: clewless@microsoft.com
To: billg@microsoft.com

Bill,

I finished a day-long meeting with Netscape executives in the hopes of trying to get them to help us build a better browser. I told them the one we bought from Spyglass, and distribute now as Internet Explorer, is really crude due to our meddling, and we'd like to license Navigator instead, giving them full credit and logo display on the desktop, of course.

Netscape seemed wary of an alliance, but I assured them that we are not the type of company to say, we should try to strike a close relationship with Netscape, in this relationship our goal should be to wrest leadership of the client evolution from them. This seemed to calm their fears.

During a break, I spoke with some of the programmers. They fondly remembered the softball competition we had last year, and I said we needed to move Netscape out of the small ballpark because they were breaking too many windows, and we need to avoid battling them in the next year if we don't want to be embarrassed again on the playing field.

In the next round of talks, they asked how the public may benefit from this agreement, how our multi-billion-dollar company could show true good will. I was quite frank with him, that if he had a favor we could do for him that would cost us something like $1 million, like contribute to their favorite charity $5 from every copy of Windows we sold, that to do that in return for switching browsers in the next few months I would be open to doing anything, even the hokey-pokey in the nude on top of a Wall Street building. We all laughed, and it seemed to really break the ice with them.

The meeting paused for lunch. They provided a nice buffet, and they watched me in quick time eagerly knife the baby back ribs, which were delicious.

We continued working out the final details all afternoon. I think we'll be ready to sign tomorrow morning.

The Netscape people have been very gracious hosts. I told them that my only complaint about the meeting is that from the conference room, we could hear music leaking through the closed door, and I jokingly threatened to cut off their Air Supply, since "Lost in Love" is my least favorite song.

- Hiam Clewless