DreckEd Introduces Expanded Role of Rebooting in Web, Applications

Admitting their inability to make reliable products, Microsoft announced during their DreckEd development conference a plan to incorporate "chronic reboot application processing" into their entire suite of Windows offerings.

Windows 2000 will build on the product lines' crash efficiency. Shown here, Windows 98 bombs during a demo at Spring COMDEX in April 1998 while the billionaire and a lackey enjoy a good chuckle.

Key among this plan is the use of the Internet to pass coordinated reboot requests among Microsoft-developed applications and Web servers via Visual Basic-encoded pages and documents.

"Our systems need rebooting so often that we've patented the process," said Hiam Clewless, Microsoft's executive in charge of stagnation. "Now, with every Web page delivered, your computer and all Microsoft products running on it will be automatically reset."

One demonstration showed Internet Explorer connecting to the Microsoft home page, and immediately the user's computer rebooted. The user browsed to a page that offered to download a Word file, and after clicking on the link, the system rebooted several times, initiated Microsoft Word on the client system (which triggered several further restarts), and soon the user was editing the file.

When the user clicked the option to save the file back to the host Web site, the computer rebooted twice again, uploaded the file, restarted the browser, rebooted, and then waited for the remote server to reboot, which shortly presented the page with the updated information.

To help disseminate this new technology, developers in the audience were provided with beta copies of a product called Visual ReStudio. The programming languages included in this suite are Visual ReC++, Visual ReBasic, and Microsoft's newest language, Visual ReCool.

Clewless proudly predicted the day when all desktop and handheld computers are running reboot-enabled technology.

"Windows will never be unstable again because it will always be restarting," he said. "We're even going to change the Start button label to say Restart."

UPDATE: Microsoft announced plans for expanding the role of its reboot technology to include reinstallation automation. This feature will allow any installed program, when started, to completely reinstall itself first. Microsoft says this will eliminate problems with their products overwriting the DLLs and other critical systems files of competing products.

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