DOJ Prosecutors Mull Microsoft Division

The attorneys prosecuting Microsoft in the Department of Justice trial devulged they have been mulling over possible Microsoft divisions in the event they should win.

"We don't want to delay suggesting reoganization schemes; we want to offer the judge an immediate report," said lead attorney Dan Gerous.

Gerous released details about the planned divisions:

Microsoft Center for FUD
"This needs to be centralized so their clients can get a consistent level of spewage," said Gerous. "Right now, separate units are using FUD to cross-purposes and the common user doesn't know who to disbelieve."

Microsoft Partner Backstabbing Technologies
"They really need to spin this off so annointed Microsoft partners will have a single source from which their lifeblood code will be ripped off and be implemented for free in the next operating system release," said Gerous.

Microsoft Quality Control Annex
"We know this will be like an appendix -- small and otherwise useless. But people shouldn't have to shake their fist at the whole corporation; we hope to help direct their vehemence in a fair, focused direction."

Microsoft Windows Corp.
"This will otherwise be known as Macintosh Appropriation Laboratories And Properties (MALAPROP). It will be staffed with all the employees Microsoft has hired from other companies."

Microsoft Executive Education Foundation
"This will allow all of Microsoft's highly-paid executives to get the training they desperately need so they don't look like supreme idiots when questioned about the functioning of their own departments, much less the entire company." Gerous also hopes this will result in more intellible answers to questions posed by the press, compared to the standard "Windows -duh- good, Open Standards -duh- bad."

Gerous believes the reoganization could be accomplished in as quickly as half a day, since "Microsoft spends exhaustive energy leaping from one wrong direction to another. This should be a cakewalk for them."