Microsoft Bob Found Dead in Redmond Slum

Microsoft Bob, once the darling offspring of the billionaire corporation, was found dead of exposure in a section of Redmond known as the "Software Slum."

Bob, born January 1, 1995, was from the start an optimist and an extrovert. However, the public quickly tired of his constant nattering. He was eventually disowned, but Microsoft kept all of his belongings in an attempt to recover from the massive profit losses he caused.

Afterwards, no other company dared to hire -- much less mention -- Bob, and so he was forced to live on the streets, gathering coins by putting on his sidewalk "Dancing Paperclip" shows.

Microsoft had no official comment on the death, merely stating, "we're sadden by his loss and our profit loss."

The "Software Slum" is a defacto final resting place for ideologies that have been disgarded by Microsoft. Other victims have included OS/2 and Visual J++, as well as Ethics, Stability, and Respect.

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