Microsoft Cashes in on Support Calls by Buying AT&T

Unable to recoup the money lost in providing technical support for their defective products, Microsoft announced their purchase of telephone behemoth AT&T for a record $3.2 trillion.

Analysts predict Microsoft will be able to recover lost profits in as soon as one fiscal quarter, due to the volume of long distance calls made by their customers for help with crashed systems.

Rich Greedy, a Wall Street investor, says Microsoft stockholders will have record dividends "when callers phone AT&T to complain that their new Windows CE-based long distance service is crashing." He foresees complaint calls about crashed complaint calls alone will "generate a financial feedback pattern unlike anything ever seen since the birth of capitalism."

But Microsoft played down the purchase by saying it's merely providing a service that customers have asked for.

"Imagine clicking on the AT&T logo on your desktop, clicking the menu option Dial, then Service, then Long Distance, then United States, then Dial Now, then typing in your number, then clicking the Dial button, then immediately getting a response," said company spokesman Hugh Sless-Flak. "No other company is innovating like this."

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